Akatsuki's Vacation
by CrazedNarutoFan
Summary: The Akatsuki are sent on a long and mischievous vacation to a resort. Includes everything you would never imagine an Akatsuki doing. No Akatsuki is safe from the random troubles and hilarity that ensue.
1. Great News

**Disclaimer- I do not own any characters. They belong to Masashi Kishimoto**.

'I must be a complete imbecile for coming to this conclusion,' Thought the leader as he walked through a stone corridor to the main meeting place.

Entering the rock cavern, he saw the seven other missing-nin standing around talking. Itachi was silent as ever and Kisame was casually talking with Zetsu. Yet, Deidara and Tobi were arguing over a random subject. The leader reached up to straighten the collar of his cloak.

"Deidara, Tobi, stop the minute. You're supposed to be responsible, disciplined ninja."

Everyone stopped what they were doing and looked forward, paying attention.

"People, I know you were called here on a late notice, but I doubt you had anything constructive to do. I've been thinking, we've captured all of the Bijuu except for that damned Nine-Tailed Fox. So, in recognition of your 'tried' attempts, we will be going on a week long trip."

The ninja stared incomprehensively at their leader. They were all shocked.

"A vacation?" asked Deidara.

"Yes."

"But where?" Kisame was still confused.

"I managed to forcefully rent a beach front resort. It has a spa, indoor Olympic-sized pool, a 24/7 food bar, an inclusive trip to an offshore island, and all day access to the beach. You will be able to use jet skis and surf boards that are provided. Oh, did I mention that it's free?"

Everyone was amazed. Their leader was usually serious and emotionless. The only thing he cared about was capturing the tailed beasts.

"When do we leave?" Tobi sounded enthusiastic, as he usually was one not to think things through completely.

"Well first, you all need to pack. Go to your houses, or wherever you live, and get your things. Be back here by noon tomorrow and be ready to leave immediately."

"How will we get there?" asked Hidan, "Do we get to kill anyone?" He dragged his scythe through the air, nearly missing one of Zetsu's plant-like appendages.

"We are going to get there like normal ninja. Traveling. And no killing. We must remain anonymous."

The leader looked at everyone, only seeing Hidan's disappointed face.

"I have nothing else to explain. Be here by noon and no later. You are dismissed."

The ninja left, small puffs of smoke dissipating from where they stood.

"This was a bad idea." Thought the leader aloud as images of what could go wrong flooded his mind.

**Itachi **-

Digging through his closet, Itachi found a large carry-on luggage bag. He sat it on his bed and opened a drawer to look for clothes. He pulled out several pairs of traditional Uchiha wear. This included a long, black yukata and obi.

Itachi kept silent the whole time, folding each piece of attire and neatly setting them in the bag. Once he had all the clothes needed, Itachi walked over to a small table in the corner of his room and picked up a bottle of eye drops and pain killers. These were mainly for headaches he got when Deidara and Tobi fought. As for the eye drops, the sharingan could make his eyes a little dry if used too much in one day. He stuffed these things into a side pocket and closed the whole bag. Itachi set it by the door, ready for tomorrow. He walked back over to the bed and lay down, wanting to sleep well before setting off.

**Kisame**-

"This is great. The beach is perfect at this time of year."

Kisame opened a duffel bag and began throwing in the kinds of clothes only a shark could wear. He packed in two rolls of tape for rapping the Samehada. Kisame walked out of his room and down a short hallway to a library. There were a lot of books covering the shelves. He had become an avid reader, especially because he had to entertain himself when Itachi was being excruciatingly boring. His favorite books had come to be The Little Mermaid and, surprisingly, Icha Icha Paradise. Kisame also loved watching Finding Nemo because it reminded him of when he first left home to join Akatsuki. Kisame grabbed the next volume of Icha Icha and walked back to his room, throwing it into a zippered pouch. Going to hid dresser, he opened a drawer and took out the one item of clothing sure to get everyone's attention. Finally, the last thing he took was his beloved, stuffed Flounder, from The Little Mermaid. After checking to see if he forgot anything, Kisame fell asleep on his bed and dreamt of the sea.

**Tobi** -

"Tobi's a good boy. Tobi finally gets some recognition."

Tobi happily scooted around his room getting clothes together and anything that he might want to impress Zetsu with. Tobi packed his bag and turned on the television. To his delight, Sesame Street was on. He just managed to catch Big Bird saying, "This episode had been brought to you by the letter T."

"T for Tobi!" He yelled happily, finishing the show.

Tobi got tired fairly fast, dosing off on the bed muttering, "Tobi's a good boy, Tobi's a good boy."

**Deidara** -

"Damn, almost out of clay."

Deidara packed the rest of his clay into a bag and put it away. He mashed his garments into his travel bag, closing it and throwing it by the door. Deidara sighed, lying on his couch (which was really a sofa bed). He stayed still, looking at the pictures hanging on his wall. They were done by artists not heard of much, such as Picasso and Van Gogh. One piece of work had come to be his favorite. The Scream, by Edvard Munch. Deidara thought it symbolized his victims perfectly.

"Art truly is a bang."

Deidara smiled wickedly before falling asleep.

**Zetsu** -

"I'm back!" Zetsu called into the house. He walked into a sunroom located off the right of his bedroom. There were nearly thirty different species of plants, all basking under heating lamps. Zetsu cared for his plants as though they were his kin. He had no real friends, either, except for Kisame who understood him as the two were far from being human. He also had a favorite movie entitled, Little Shop of Horrors.

"I'll be gone for a week, but don't worry. I've hired a local gardener to take care of you while I'm gone."

Of course there was no response from the plants, but Zetsu didn't seem to care. Turning around and going back to his room, Zetsu began to pack everything. His bag included clothes, several bottles of special vitamin and mineral water (vital for his growth as a plant), and twenty viles of edible plant food.

"That should do it."

Zetsu laid on his bed and fell asleep. Tobi could be very tiring at times.

**Hidan**-

"I can't believe killing is forbidden. What the hell am I going to do if someone pisses me off? I won't stand by and say, 'You really hurt my feelings and you owe me an apology.' Bullshit! I'm not a freaking softie!

Hidan spent the next ten minutes ranting to himself. During this time, he took a special holster he designed out of the closet and turned to a large rack of sharp, serrated blades. Some hadn't even been cleaned, with dry blood still crusted on the metal. The holster he made allowed him to carry five blades at once with easy access. It was slung over the shoulders so all one would have to do is reach back and take their pick.

Hidan took the sharpest blade first, his favorite, the three bladed scythe. It had recently been cleaned and sharpened. The four other weapons were a spear, sickle, machete, and a very powerful, dangerous sword called the Black Death. He finished putting them in the holster and sat down to watch Court TV on television. He couldn't sleep out of rage.

**Sasori**-

Sasori entered his room, his wooden limbs creaking as he crossed the threshold. Littering the floor were hundreds of different puppet parts. Some had been taken from the bodies of his victims. Others were original.

Not having many clothes to change into, mainly because of his body, Sasori packed a small bag of extra replacement parts in case he was damaged at all.

Since puppets don't sleep well, Sasori laid on his bed, deathly still, staring at nothing in particular.

Leader-

Back in the lounge, the leader was getting things finalized. All of the Akatsuki were resting now.

This trip was sure to be a complete disaster.

**I really hope you enjoy this. This chapter may seem boring, but I promise that it gets better. You'll be laughing your head off hopefully. It's random, stupid, and funny. Look forward to a lot more chapters.**

**Please review. It will help keep me inspired(even though I have the whole thing written out).**


	2. Arrival

Forming a semi-circle, the seven cloaked criminals shifted anxiously, waiting to leave. They either slung their bags over their shoulders or held them. The leader appeared, standing in the middle.

"I assume that you're all ready to set off?"

Nobody responded.

"I'll take that as a yes. Alright, let's leave."

The ninja left their secret cavern, walking out over the water-front. They leapt up the steep cliff side and jumped into the tree tops, trying to remain unseen.

About an hour into the trip, Tobi began to whine.

'Deidara-senpai, Zetsu-sama, I have to use the bathroom!"

Deidara growled angrily.

"I told you to go before we left!"

**Later**

Five hours and three rest stops later (mainly for Tobi), the eight ninja stood in front of a ten-story hotel. Entering the building and walking to the front desk, the leader began to converse with the attendant.

"We have reservations under the name 'Akatsuki'."

"Alright, hold on just a moment."

The woman looked down, writing small notes on a slip of paper. She spoke up.

"Those are some nice cloaks. You part of some organization?"

"No… we're here for a nearby convention. We're cosplayers."

"That's cool. I once cosplayed as Kagome. Oh wait a minute. You guys have rooms 120 through 127. Here are your card keys and boating passes to the resort island. If you need anything else, just call to the main desk."

"Thank you."

The eight walked to the elevator and arrived up on the fourth floor. They looked at every door until they reached door number 120.

"Alright now. Find your key-corresponding room and we'll relax for the night. Meet at the drink bar by 8:00 tomorrow morning. We'll plan what to do from there."

Everyone easily found their room and unpacked. They quickly crashed on the beds.

**I hope you liked this chapter. I know it was uneventful, but I promise it will get better. The action and humor starts next chapter. They consist of complete randomness, but if you've read up to here, you shouldn't mind. LOL.**

**Please review and have fun reading.**


	3. The Beach

"I'll take a pina colada with a shot of vodka, please."

Deidara was slumped over the counter as he waited for his drink. Tobi had, somehow, entered his room and began to jump on the bed at 3:00 in the morning. He finally left after Deidara promised to buy him a cookie. His head was throbbing and the only cure he could think of was alcohol.

"What're you doing drinking alcohol this early?" Zetsu asked, walking into the bar.

"Trying to get a hangover."

"Why?"

"Tobi. God, now I know how you felt being his partner."

"It is difficult, but you'll get used to it."

"I hope so."

Walking into the area, Kisame began to chide the leader's tardiness.

"It's 8:20. The leader is always early and complains when we're even a minute late!"

Kisame kept complaining until he was interrupted.

"Kisame, I'm right here." There was a hint of anger in his voice.

"Oh… uh, sorry sir."

The leader said nothing in return and looked around to see he was missing people.

"Where is everyone? You were all supposed to be here by 8:00."

Nobody knew where the others were until Itachi spoke up.

"As you can see Kisame, Zetsu, Deidara, and myself are where you wanted us. Hidan is having breakfast, Tobi is still sleeping, and Kakuzu is pick- pocketing the vacationers."

The leader sighed, trying to repress an oncoming headache.

"Go get the others."

**10 Minutes Later-**

The three slackers were now standing with the rest of the group. Hidan still had a bowl of cereal in his hands while Tobi swayed back and forth tiredly.

"Now, I planned that today we would hand out on the beach and possibly surf or use the jet skis. So, everyone get your swim gear and go to the beach. Dare I say… have fun."

They all ran back to their rooms and changed, then headed down to the sand.

**Beach-**

"Kisame, it's almost 90 degrees out. How can you be wearing your cloak?" Deidara stated, looking oddly at him. Itachi came up behind him to see what was happening.

"I'm kind of embarrassed about what I'm wearing."

"It can't be that bad. Show me."

"Alright, if you insist."

Kisame undid his cloak to reveal a skin-tight, black Speedo thong.

"Oh my god! My virgin eyes!" Deidara screamed in horror as he covered his eyes with his hands.

"Do you like it?" Kisame smiled.

"Kisame," Itachi walked up to him.

"Yes?"

"I have an idea."

Itachi activated his Mangekyo Sharingan.

"Deidara, look at me."

Deidara looked at him, instantly being thrown into a genjutsu of what he saw just seconds ago. Deidara ran in circles, screaming in mental pain. He would be suffering through it for the next 72 hours. Everyone laughed at him.

"Tobi, what're you doing?" Tobi was standing in front of Zetsu as he lay on a towel in the sand.

"Do you wanna to play with me?"

"No. Now move Tobi, you're blocking the sun."

"Why do you need sunlight?"

"Tobi," Zetsu growled, "I'm in the middle of fucking photosynthesis! Leave me alone!"

"If you say so, Zetsu-san."

Tobi didn't bother him for the rest of the afternoon.

**Later-**

After being released from the genjutsu, Deidara was sitting in the sand, sculpting a castle.

"Watch everyone as my sand castle becomes sand debris!"

Deidara reached into his clay bag and pulled some clay out, but it felt different somehow. He looked down to examine it.

"What the hell!? Who replaced my clay with play-doh?"

A giggle was heard in the distance.

"Tobi, you knuckle-headed swine! Give me my clay or I'll blow your head off!"

Deidara screamed as he watched Tobi sit at a table near the ice cream vendor. He was sculpting what looked to be very misshapened figures of the Akatsuki members. What made it worse was that Tobi was eating ice cream and didn't care it Deidara was mad.

"Hey Tobi, how's the ice cream?" Kisame yelled to him.

"Don't antagonize him, you brute!" Deidara was furious.

"Shut up, shim!"

"It's really good. Try some." Tobi was still happily licking at his cone.

Everyone except Deidara went over and ordered their favorite flavor.

"I'm all alone, aren't I?"

"Yeah, you're hopeless." The leader stated, walking up behind him.

"Thanks," he replied sarcastically.

The leader took a step back to think.

"Tobi!"

"Oh, yes sir?"

"Give Deidara his clay."

"Of course master. Sorry senpai."

Deidara just grumbled as he caught the clay Tobi had thrown.

Now seeing that the problem was resolved, the leader turned to look out at the horizon. The sun was quickly setting.

"Everyone, head back inside. You can order dinner from your room. Tomorrow we'll meet at the pool."

Everyone left what they were doing and went in to eat.

**Did you all like this? It wasn't funny was it? Tell me if it was funny and I'll give you a cookie! We'll work through chapter 4 and get to 5 which I think is really damn funny.**

**Please review.**


	4. Learn How to Swim, Shim

"This- is-awesome!" Tobi screamed, cannon-balling into the pool.

After a quick tour of the resort, everyone headed to the pool, where it was supposed to be relaxing, but nothing really is with Tobi.

Zetsu once again fell asleep on a beach chair by the window, soaking up the sun. Kisame refused to surface in the water and Itachi was resting in the hot tub with the leader who was sitting across from him.

"Do you think it was right to pair Tobi with Deidara? The past few days, Deidara's only been happy watching people nearly drown in the ocean. Since Sasori's death (which randomly occurred when he stepped on a poorly placed mine on the way to the resort), Deidara hasn't been himself."

"I had no choice, Itachi. Things work better in pairs. Tobi will mature at some point, but I see what you mean. They may have argued or disagreed at times, but he and Sasori had more in common than either wanted to admit. Sasori's death hit him hard, and he's suffering through the loss."

The two men looked over to the pool, watching Deidara softly kick at the water. Tobi swam over, disrupting Deidara's quiet mood.

"Deidara-senpai, why won't you swim? The water's warm."

"I don't want to."

"Yeah right. I can see past your façade. Why won't you join me?"

"Because I can't swim!" Deidara quickly regretted what he had just said.

This caught everyone's attention.

"You can't swim? That's stupid, senpai. Why can't you?"

"Because I never learned to swim. No one ever taught me."

"I'm sure Kisame-san can help you. Hey Kisame-san!"

Tobi kicked Kisame in the face when he came close. Kisame surfaced and put Tobi in a choke hold.

"Why the hell would you do that!?"

"You have to help Deidara-senpai learn how to swim!"

Kisame was surprised.

"You don't know how to swim? It's easy."

"Will you help senpai, Kisame-san?"

"I guess so. Alright, Deidara. All you really have to do is maintain you buoyancy and kick outwards like this."

Kisame demonstrated, making the task look easy. He waded at the other end.

"Now you try."

Realizing he was now on his own, Deidara got nervous.

"Do I really have to do this?"

Kisame sighed heavily.

"Only if you want to learn to swim. You could stop now, but that would only prove how weak you are."

Deidara came to full attention and glared threateningly at Kisame.

"What did you say?"

"If you stop now, you'll be showing everyone how weak you really are!"

"That's it fish-face! I'm gonna pound you into sushi!"

Deidara quickly lunged forward, kicking at the water and cutting through the waves. At the other end, Deidara leaped up and punched Kisame in the jaw.

"Don't you dare insult me again, you jerk!"

Kisame smiled, his jaw feeling very sore.

"Deidara, look behind you."

"Huh?"

Deidara turned around to find that he had successfully crossed the pool.

"I think you can now officially swim," Kisame stated with a smirk.

"I knew you could do it, senpai!"

"Do you still need floaties?" mocked Hidan.

"Shut up!"

The leader smiled, a rare sight, as everyone began to converse with each other. Sighing, he lifted his hand out of the water to see that his fingers were very pruny. He got up and grabbed a nearby towel, getting out of the hot tub.

"Go back to your rooms, people. Tomorrow we will be sailing to the off-shore island."

With that, everyone dried off and made their way back to their rooms to sleep. Hopefully, the boat ride wouldn't end up a disaster, or the boat itself like the Titanic.

**Did you like this chapter? Chapter 5 is very funny, I promise, so get ready.**

**Please review and have Happy Holidays. **


	5. Meet Gilligan

"I'm really not liking this boat," Tobi whimpered, latching on To Deidara's arm.

"Tobi, do you mind? I can't feel my hand."

"Sorry, senpai."

Tobi freed Deidara's arm and grabbed a nearby handle bar which was attached to the cabin to prevent himself from slipping as the boat lurched forward in the choppy waves.

"I swear," Kakuzu said, joining the conversation, "This piece of crap death trap was bought for twenty dollars at an antique shop."

Hidan slipped on the deck, smacking his head against a railing. He managed to stand up.

"This boat might just be the death of me."

"But Hidan, you can't die," Tobi stated.

"That's my point, Dumbass!"

Tobi just shrugged and walked to the bow, holding tightly to a flag pole in front of him. Nearly scaring everyone to death, Tobi screamed, "I'm king of the world!"

Kisame face-faulted.

"How about we stick a letter bomb to his face and see how long it takes for him to recognize it's there?" He suggested.

"Unfortunately, it can't be fatal," Itachi sighed, "Leader would be furious if we killed him."

"Well, we can at least try."

Everyone snickered as Hidan silently went up to Tobi, holding the letter bomb in his hand. He was about to reach around when he was interrupted.

"What's going on here?" The Leader asked, walking into the group.

Hidan jumped, spinning around and hiding the bomb behind his back.

"Nothing, sir. We were just joking about the Jinchuuriki."

"Right," The Leader didn't sound convinced. "Anyway, get ready to depart. They're tying to boat to the dock now."

With that, the leader walked away. Everybody had been so distracted with trying to blow up Tobi that they hadn't noticed the boat make land.

They all went to the ramp and got off, but Hidan lagged behind. Unsure of what to do with the triggered bomb, he threw it into the water and ran to meet the others.

Proceeding into the forest, the Akatsuki were stopped in their tracks when they heard and explosion behind them. Turning around, they saw the water and boat being thrown into the air. The boat was blown to pieces as planks of wood fell back to the water's surface. They were also surprised when a few human limbs hit the sand on the shore.

Everyone turned to Hidan, glaring angrily at him. Hidan nervously rubbed the back of his head.

"Um… sorry?"

"How will we get back to the resort?" asked Itachi.

"The next boat will arrive around six o'clock tonight. Until then, we should at least use the island to our enjoyment." The Leader sounded exhausted.

"Hey, quiet you guys. I hear something," Kisame whispered.

The missing-nin stopped talking and listened. Kisame was right. Voices could be heard further into the woods.

"We should see who's there."

"If anything, it would be smart to strike first."

They all agreed and began to wonder into the thicket. Almost a half mile in, they seven people walking around a make-shift campsite. There were three bungalows surrounding a picnic area.

"Aborigines!" Tobi yelled.

"No. It looks like they got stranded."

"But the resort's only two miles from here."

"Well then, who knows what happened."

"Let's ask them," Kakuzu stated, walking up to a guy wearing a red and white stripped shirt. The other ninja weren't far behind.

"Hello, sir. May I ask what your name is?"

"You can call me Gilligan. Nice to meet you stranger."

"Gilligan?" Hidan snorted, "What the hell kind of name is that?"

Itachi harshly elbowed Hidan in the stomach.

"Who are the others here with you?" Itachi asked.

"Oh, I forgot!"

Gilligan turned around to call his friends over.

"Get over here, we have visitors!"

The six other people walked to Gilligan's side.

"Can you introduce us to your friends, Gilligan?"

"Sure. Let's start from the left. This is the skipper, the millionaire and his wife, the movie star, the professor, and Mary Ann."

"Nice to meet you all," Kakuzu stated.

Tobi leaned over to Deidara and whispered, "How come Kakuzu isn't mice to us?"

"It's because, in this situation, you have to do radical things to gain information."

"You all look famished," the Skipper spoke up, "Would you like something to eat?"

The Leader walked to the front of the group.

"That would be very nice of you. Thank you."

Following the seven cast-aways, the Akatsuki sat around a fire-pit and awaited their meals.

"Here you go," the Skipper smiled as he handed each ninja a roasted chunk of meat on a stick.

Kisame was the first to take a bite and purred as the meat went down his throat.

"This tastes amazing. What is it?"

"Rat."

With that simple word, Kisame was on his hands and knees, gagging.

Itachi looked over at the immobilized demon shark muttering, "Idiot."

"I think I've lost my appetite," Hidan grimaced, setting his rat on the ground. The others did the same.

Trying to change the subject, the Leader began to question the seven.

"So, why are you on this island?"

"We were stranded here during a storm."

"You can't rebuild you boat?"

"We've tried, but I think we're just too lazy to finish what we've started."

"You guys are wearing really cool cloaks!" Gilligan interrupted with his stupid comment and began tugging at Deidara's sleeve.

"Um, Leader, may I be excused for a moment?"

"Yes, Deidara."

"Thank you. C'mon Tobi."

Deidara and Tobi walked into the forest and disappeared.

**Five minutes later-**

"Sorry, everyone. I was looking for something and Tobi needed to help me."

The Leader was about to scold them for sounding stupid when he heard a loud horn towards the shore.

"That's the boat. It must have come very early. Sorry, but we must leave."

"Don't worry. It was nice meeting you all."

The Akatsuki left and ran to the beach, just barely catching the boat before it disembarked again.

Everyone was standing at the back of the boat as it reached about 100 yards from the island. Deidara smiled and made a hand sign.

"Katsu!"

The island exploded, trees splintered and sand flew into the air. When the smoke cleared, there was practically nothing left. Everyone turned to Deidara.

"What? That Gilligan was getting on my nerves."

The Leader smacked his head against a pole several times. Certainly taking over the world wasn't worth surviving this torture.

**So, how was it? Funny? Gut-busting? For the love of Kami, be nice to me!! The next chapter is called Stargazing. Don't worry though. It's far from fluffy. I'm keeping with the funny all the way through.**

**Please review and Happy late New Year!**

**Quiz: Name the summer Olympic mascots and get a very large cookie. Or a cake. Yeah, this deserves a cake. There are Five of them.**

**I give you the answers next update. 'Til then…**


	6. Star Gazing

"Damn! Stupid door, stupid Tobi!"

Deidara furiously pulled at the handle of his door, swearing under hid breath. The electronic light kept blinking red, no matter how hard he pulled.

"Did Tobi do you in too?"

Deidara looked to his left and saw the Leader tiredly leaning against the wall.

"Leader-sama?"

"Yes, it's me."

"Hmph. You two aren't the only ones," called another voice.

"Itachi-san? Wait, can't you use Amaterasu to get in?"

"I could, but then there would be a gapping hole in the wall. We've already caused enough damage to the resort's property. Our money is to be used towards world domination, not construction."

"Guess you're right. But what are we supposed to do until morning?"

The Leader sighed.

"We could relax outside. The cabana chairs should be fine."

"Anything will be better than standing here wasting time."

Deidara laughed as the three walked down stairs and outside.

"Itachi, are you sure you're not emo? You think the whole world hates you."

Itachi turned his head, the sharingan glaring in his eyes. Deidara shivered, raising his hands in an innocent defense.

"I-I was just joking."

Itachi just turned his head forward again.

**Outside- **

"This is better than my bed in my room."

Deidara stretched on the chair, letting his bones crack.

"I don't know how you think these are comfortable," stated the Leader, lying down, "Now I won't be able to sleep."

"Then we should talk for a while."

The two men stared wide-eyed at Itachi, shocked that he would want to meaninglessly converse with anybody.

Leader smiled and spoke up.

"Then how about we talk about secrets, no matter how stupid or small."

"Sue, I'll go first!" Deidara seemed very enthusiastic. "I attended art school for five years and graduated at the top of my class."

"That's not very secret, you idiot."

"Do you have anything better?"

"Yes. My best friend, Shisui, raped me. That's why I killed him."

"Holy… Itachi, that's serious."

"Itachi, why didn't you tell anybody?"

"I didn't want my clan thinking that I was weak. I killed everyone to test my abilities, but to also keep that day a secret."

"Wow…"

Deidara quickly shrugged off the images in his head and turned to the Leader.

"Leader-sama, what's your secret?"

"Well, I'm not entirely sure I should tell you, but… my real name is Pein."

Itachi smirked. "That suits you."

Deidara sat up, looking at Pein.

"I think you should have a more artistic name like Picasso, or even John."

"Deidara, how can I put this nicely? Um, what the hell!? John is not artistic, or even a good name! It's some popular, overly used, male, American name!"

Pein sighed and looked at Itachi.

"Itachi, please relax. Don't scrutinize Deidara. And, any I say, that's the most you've ever said since you got drunk at the Christmas party."

Deidara laughed, thinking back to that day.

"I still can't believe you made out with Kisame and woke up in his lap. The look of surprise on his face was priceless. Though you two did look comfortable."

"And may I remind you that you also woke up in bed with Sasori."

"Shut up, jerk!"

"Make me, whore!"

Just as Deidara was about to strangle Itachi, a familiar voice called from the building.

"Hey, you guys! Couldn't get into your rooms, huh?"

The three men looked up to see Tobi hanging half way out of his window, dangling three pairs of keys; The keys needed for their doors.

Tobi laughed and dropped the keys which all landed on Pein's head. Though, being the clumsy idiot he was, Tobi's own keys slid out of his sleeve to join the rest. Pein wickedly smiled, seeing a chance for revenge.

The three disappeared, only to arrive knocking at Tobi's door.

"Oh Tobiii!" called Deidara in an angry yet sing song voice.

"W-what?" There was a silent pause.

"You die tonight." A blunt yet powerful statement.

The door slowly opened as Tobi took a few steps towards the bed. The three Akatsuki stood glaring at him.

"Oh, shit!"

Those were Tobi's last words right before being pummeled to the ground, and beaten to a bloody pulp.

The other members heard the commotion and shivered. They never knew those three could be so cruel. Judging by Tobi's shrieks, things were getting ugly.

Soon there was just silence. The three ninja walked into the hallway, very pleased with their work.

"Goodnight, Tobi," Deidara smiled, closing the door behind him.

The men opened their doors and climbed into bed, hoping for better rest.

Meanwhile, Tobi was lying in a puddle of his own blood, groaning in agony.

Rule number one in the Ninja Hand Book: Never make an Akatsuki mad.

**Did you all like it?**

**I'd like to congratulate ThornRoses for being the winner of the name quiz.**

**The names were Bei Bei, Jing Jing, Huang Huang, Ying Ying, and Ni Ni. **

**Please review and tell me what you think. **


	7. Candy and Crime

"Hidan, what are you staring at?" Kakuzu asked, walking up to the immortal.

"Chocolate…," was all he muttered.

Kakuzu looked through a window of the store, seeing shelves and barrels of candy. The checkout counter was also displaying several different fudges from around the world.

"You want to waste your money on these tooth-rotting sweets? You don't need candy!"

"Did Kakuzu-san say 'candy'?"

"Dammit."

Tobi (who had healed from his previous injuries) ran up to Kakuzu, poking his arm.

"I want candy, but I don't have any money. Can I borrow some?"

"No!"

"Aw, but Tobi's a good boy!"

"Come on Kakuzu, lend him some cash."

The rest of the Akatsuki walked to the store, joining the three.

"But Leader-sama, this is my own bounty reward. It's not to be wasted on some retard ninja who speaks in third person ninety five percent of the time!"

"I don't care, Kakuzu."

Kakuzu growled.

"You two are very lucky," he said, handing them each twenty ryo.

Just as he was about to enter the store, Hidan grabbed his prayer beads.

"Thank you Jashin-sama for this grateful sacrifice."

With that, an angered Kakuzu entered the shop.

Tobi smiled as he shoveled Gummi Bears into a plastic bag. Deidara stood next to him, scooping four loads of candy Lego blocks into his bag.

Kakuzu stood by the register, tapping his foot. He was losing his patience.

The cashier smiled at him and spoke up.

"Sir, can I get you anything?"

"No, I'm fine."

"Well, how about some complimentary fudge?"

"Is it free?"

"Yes."

"Alright, give me half a block."

The man cut off a small, but wide piece of chocolate fudge. He handed it to Kakuzu who quickly downed the dessert.

"Was it good?"

"Yes."

"Excellent. That'll be five ryo."

Kakuzu choked.

"You told me it was free!"

"Yeah, but I never confirmed it."

"You pompous ass!"

Kakuzu reached out to the man with his tentacles and strangled the man until he was dead. He then proceeded to raid the register and steal whatever money there was, which was a lot.

"I would run now!" He called to the others.

Pein looked over and saw the dead man.

"Damn you Kakuzu! Everyone, back to your rooms!"

They all ran like the wind back up stairs.

Back in the shop, a young man walked through the doorway and into the ravaged store.

"Um, hello?"

**I know this was short, but that's the way it'll be until the end. I ran out of ideas when writing it. I hope you don't mind.**

**Please review to make me happy.**


	8. Good Ol' Tobi

"Deidara-senpai, why do you hate me?"

"Because you're stupid and childish."

"But why do the others think I'm a terrible Akatsuki? Tobi's a good boy!"

"That's the problem you idiot!"

Deidara angrily dragged Tobi out of his room by the collar.

"You have to be tough!"

And with that, Deidara slammed the door in Tobi's face.

"I have to be tough, huh?"

**One Hour Later-**

"Deidara-senpai, look!"

Tobi rolled up the sleeve of his cloak.

"I got a tattoo!"

Deidara looked skeptically at the print.

"Is that a butterfly?"

"Yup!"

"And is that washable?"

"Yeah. I got it in my coloring book."

"Tobi," Deidara sighed as he took a step forward.

"Yes, senpai?"

Deidara didn't respond, but instead plunged his finger through the mask's eye hole and into Tobi's eye. Pulling his finger back, he watched Tobi drop to his knees, howling in pain.

"Owww! Deidara-senpai, why'd you do that!?"

"Because you're a dumbass."

Deidara left his room, heading down to the pool.

"I guess I have to be even tougher."

**At the pool-**

"Deidara-senpai, I stole money. Am I tough yet?"

"How'd you get it?"

"With this credit card!" Tobi held up the plastic card.

"Let me see that."

Tobi handed the card to Deidara, letting him scan it over. His eyes widened in anger.

"What's wrong senpai? Are you okay?"

"Tobi," He growled, "This is my credit card!"

"I know. I stole money from you!"

"Grahhh!"

Deidara lunged at Tobi's feet, dragging the flailing ninja into the water. Drowning Tobi seemed very easy. When they surfaced, the idea had become faulted.

"Deidara, what the hell are you doing?"

"I was, uh… drowning Tobi?"

**Fine minutes later, after receiving CPR from Kisame-**

"You'll never be tough, Tobi!" Everyone yelled.

Tobi looked like he was about to cry when an idea came to mind.

"Hidan-san, can you come with me for a second?"

"Sure, it's not like I have anything better to do than hanging out with you," he stated sarcastically.

Hidan followed Tobi into the hallway, where a blood curdling scream was heard. A minute later, Tobi came running back to the pool with Hidan's head in his grasp.

"Put me down you ass! Don't fucking pull my hair!"

"Look, everyone! I got his head!"

Everyone looked at each other and shrugged.

"That's good enough for us!" They all said in unison.

"I'm gonna kill you when Kakuzu sews my head back on!"

Tobi dropped Hidan's head and held up the peace sign with two friends.

"Tobi's a very good boy!"

**Tobi will always be a good boy, no matter how evil he is beneath the swirly mask of doom. Enjoy!**

**Please review.**


	9. Air Time

"Hidan, what're you watching?" Kisame walked up behind Hidan, followed by the other Akatsuki. Pein had proclaimed that once a month, one member had to do something nice for the others. They all hated it, but Pein was the leader and had the authority to kill whoever he wanted. This month was Hidan's turn, so he called for a movie night in his room.

"I don't know what the hell it is, but it's called something like Naruto."

"Naruto…" Itachi stared angrily at the TV se, ready to lunge. Kisame and Kakuzu looked at each other.

"Intervention!" The two men grabbed Itachi by the arms and pulled him to the ground. Itachi struggled fiercely, but calmed as Deidara stabbed him in the back with a syringe of sedative.

"That was close. Next time, he shouldn't be around us. Letting him run berserk with furry will be an early grave for us."

**TV- **_"Episode 81: Return of the Morning Mist"_

Everyone sat around eating popcorn as the battle of the Akatsuki and Leaf Jonin advanced into part two, episode 82.

Hidan laughed loudly as the others snickered.

"I remember this. You got your fucking ass kicked Kisame. And by none other than Konoha's fool-of-a-ninja, Might Gai. That was a piss-poor battle you pathetic excuse of a cartilaginous fish!"

"I did my best. Well, maybe not using my true strength, but I did pretty darn well. And who do you think you're calling a cartilaginous fish, you freakish, immortal, shimigami, whore!"

"Jashin is not a whore!"

"But you are! If you could, would you marry this death god?"

"N-no! I simply worship him!"

"Jeez, you're like a moth to a flame."

"Shut the hell up, you bastard!"

"Enough you two!" Yelled Pein throwing a kunai in between them. "Shut up and watch TV."

Hidan and Kisame calmed and sat down in front of the television.

"Tonight's our last night here, before we resume our positions as S-ranked criminals. Let's end the vacation on a good note."

Everyone finished the marathon of Naruto and went back to their own rooms. Everything was packed up and cleaned before they went to bed.

Vacation had been a good thing for them after all. Greed and murderous intentions had disappeared (for now) and everyone was able to finally relax and enjoy themselves.

Thankfully, Pein had survived the torture his comrades put him through, and didn't commit suicide.

**Unfortunately, there is only one more chapter to go. Enjoy it while the updates last. Happy reading.**

**Please review.**


	10. Back to the Good Times

"Looks like we've got everything and everyone," stated Pein, looking at the men gathered in the hall. "We can go now."

Taking the stairs down, the ninja turned in their room keys and proceeded to exit the building.

"I thought this was really a bang!" exclaimed Deidara, happily molding Play-Doh in his hands. After being introduced with the substance, Deidara had been addicted to using it.

"Um, Deidara? Are you sure that was sedative you gave Itachi last night?" Kisame asked worriedly as he looked at the young Uchiha. Itachi was stumbling and talking to himself as he followed the pack.

"Yeah. The severity of the effects has to do with his Kekkei Genkai."

"Oh…"

Kakuzu laughed maniacally as he counted a stack of money in his hand.

"I'm frickin' rich!"

He had stolen money from the register in the souvenirs shop and pick-pocketed many vacationers. Everyone ignored him out of jealousy.

They got out of the front doors, only to find themselves surrounded my men in black and silver uniforms, wearing masks.

"ANBU!?"

"Akatsuki! We are here to end your days of crime. You have all been sentenced to die. Comply quietly or face defeat!"

The missing-nins all pulled out kunai and shuriken. Deidara followed with a clay bird.

"Shit!" Pein yelled as both sides charged forward, beginning the battle.

Evil will always triumph because good is dumb.

**Holy Crap! This was so short. I ran out of ideas. I know… I'm stupid. I hope you enjoyed the story for all it's worth.**

**Can anyone guess what movie the last line of this chapter came from? It's a comedy.**

**I'd like to thank everyone that reviewed or even bothered to read this. It means a lot to the writer.**

**Please review and enjoy!**


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